If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
