now i know why i became what i already was.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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