arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
worst night to have a conscience
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize