Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
