drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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