You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
