If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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