I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
