the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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