I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
