apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
