She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
