make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
