so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
