You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
