i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
