The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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