i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
