You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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