Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
