I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
