If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize