I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
