Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
