yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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