Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
