Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
