So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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