just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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