My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I hate all girls vehemently.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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