they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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