We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
