3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
