I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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