Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
