I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
