Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
