I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
