Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
