last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
