im having a threesome with these popsicles
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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