I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
