how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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