im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
