Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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