I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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