I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need a beard to bite.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
