dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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