I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
