and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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