I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
