It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
