Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
