I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
