I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
