so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
