Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
