the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
