I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
