omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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