Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
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After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
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C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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