Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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