i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
