It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
