I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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