well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
