there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
