Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You're so nebulous sometimes
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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