Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Im part way to drunk.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
