Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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