remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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