"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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