They should really pass out barf bags in church
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
