I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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