How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Text me some of your sweat
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
