I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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