First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
