ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
