i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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