Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
