My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
