He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
