you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
whose parrot is this?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
